I spoke to Sandra this morning and she was very understanding.
She was keen that I should speak to Vic before telling Jo, but since I can't see Vic until tomorrow she offered to speak to him for me at lunchtime. So this afternoon I told Jo, Stewart and the other students.
I'm seeing Vic at 8.30am tomorrow but as he already knows, it shouldn't be too bad. I don't think I'll bother going into details with him, just smile and nod. I need to take in a letter of withdrawal.

I feel a bit sad now that I will be an outsider, no matter how much everyone says I must come to the pub with them etc. I will miss hanging about with Sue and Paul between lectures.

But I am also confident that I have done the right thing. I'm now on holiday, yay!

Tonight I am thinking I should leave the course. As in right now, or within the next few days.
Today I had a tutorial with Vic to get my exam results. I got 72% for the essay I sweated blood over over Christmas, and got 68% and 70% for the essays I wrote any old crap for in the exam. What was the point? It's laughable. At least I showed them I can get a first if I want to.
I also got the feedback from my stupid three-minute singing recital. I got some pretty negative comments about my performance and something along the lines of 'although some progress has been made, there is still much work to be done'. That's fine - I'm here to learn and I don't expect to be brilliant. But when you go to your lessons and keep being told well done, that's really good, and are given *no* constructive criticism at all, it's a bit rich to suddenly point out in the exam that this and this is wrong.
I pointed out to Vic that of course to some extent whether you like someone's performance is subjective, because when I sang exactly the same song in exactly the same way at the song forum with both Sandra Kerr (who was also present in the exam) and Chris Coe present, I got a beaming smile from Sandra and a comment from Chris afterwards that she loved it. He said, I don't believe in subjectivity. Whatever.
I have still had only seven singing lessons when, pro rata, I should have had twelve by now. I still haven't had a lesson since November, and there's nothing on my timetable for next week. I told Vic about that, and he agreed that it isn't right and said he'd look into it. But he also said that maybe this year I'd only have 18 lessons and the rest would be made up next year. Sorry, not good enough.
The rest of the course, frankly, is pants (to be polite).
Next year looks like it *could* be really good. Or it could be more pants. And I don't think I can spend the money and the emotional energy on the rest of this year on the offchance that it might be.
I'm going to talk to Sue and Paul tomorrow.
If anyone wants to talk me out of this, or tell me I'm doing the right thing, now's the time.

Just when I thought I'd sorted out what I was going to try next year, Vic sent me another email.
He is offering me the possibility of 'accelerated progress' through the degree. That is, instead of choosing modules I like and getting a Diploma at the end of next year, I could go straight into the third year next year, then the fourth year the year after and get a BMus two years from now.

I *know* it's a daft idea. I can't afford it for a start, and taking three years out from work is too risky. And it means I'd have to do boring stuff like Ethnomusicology and I wouldn't get any bagpipe lessons any more.

But....
Ack.

And no I can't do my mish-mash choicy thing next year and *then* decide what to do the year after. It's one or the other and I have to decide now. Before Wednesday.

You may remember that Vic said that next year, instead of doing the second year as it stands, I can swap in some third year modules.

So Wednesday I went to the Module Fair, which was pretty tedious and not terribly helpful but did at least give me the definitive list of what is running next year and who is running it. Since then I've been emailing the tutors to find out a bit more.

My plan is thus:

Keep up with Voice, Bagpipes, Music Skills and Traditions of these Islands as per the second year syllabus. Music Skills is a bit pants but it's only one hour a week and there is some useful stuff in there. TOTI has been fun but not very structured this year, but next year Vic is taking it and I think we will be required to produce a lot more work, which is a good thing.

Drop Ensemble and Understanding Popular Music. Hurrah! No more tedious essays!

Instead of those two, pick up two third year modules:
1. Teaching Methods - I still have to contact the tutor about this one because the lady who presented on this knew only about the classical strand which is about teaching music in schools. I am interested in the folk strand which I believe is about teaching adults in a workshop setting, but I need to confirm that.
2. Creative Music Technologies - using recording equipment, sequencing, producing electronic music etc.

Additionally I would like to take Collective Performance as a not-for-credit module, which is permitted. This happens as a short, intensive course over a few weeks and involves putting on a professional show. This year it was run by Chris Wood. Next year it might be Chris again, or Alastair Anderson. Definitely worth doing I think, and kind of like Ensemble-with-a-point.

I don't know whether that lot will fit on the timetable but I looked at the current timetable and it fits there, so it should be possible. So all I have to do now is:
1. Find a summer job to help pay for it.
2. Try to turn around this dreadful negativity so that I can summon up some enthusiasm for staying here after Easter.
Now that we've finished Understanding Music History (yay!) I have some space on the timetable and a LOT of hours a week (about ten!) where I'm not writing essays, so I might see if there's a module I could sit in on just for fun. It might also be a good idea to see if I can sit in on a session of the modules I'm interested in next year.

I don't know why I bother going back to Newcastle.

I was supposed to have ten singing lessons provided last semester. I only had seven. My last lesson was on 27th November.

That means I need to have thirteen lessons this semester. I've just had my timetable for the first week and there are no lessons on it. That means:

1. The first possible date I will have a lesson is 12th February - eleven weeks after my last one.

2. There are ten remaining weeks in which they need to provide thirteen lessons.

Bets, anyone?

Well I got 72%, which is a first, but only just.
The comment was "This is an excellent essay, which is well written and carefully thought through. You have made good use of a broad range of secondary sources, extrapolating pertinent primary source evidence to support your argument."
If it was so bloody brilliant I'm not sure what you have to do to get 80%+!

Exam on Tuesday, for which I have still prepared nothing.
I calculate I need 19% in the exam to pass the module overall.
I think I should manage that :)

I had my interim voice assessment this morning. I had 3-4 minutes to sing, followed by a five minute discussion, so that was time for one song.
I sang Bruton Town and thought I delivered it adequately. I remembered all the words and all the bits of rework I've done on it so the phrasing is pretty good and there are some nice variations on the tune. But my voice is shot. Entirely my own fault - not doing enough singing. I wish I was more motivated.
After that I was expecting a five-minute discussion of what I had just sung. What actually happened was one of those awful 'so how are you doing on the course?' seesions. I can't lie. I enjoy those bits, these other bits are a bit pants and I HATE that bit. What do they want me to say? So I had to sit there while they got all defensive and lectured me about how the course has been long in preparation and that's how it is and we can't please everyone yada yada. Well, to be fair, one of them was talking and the other two just listened, because Stewart and Sandra know how I feel already.
So now I feel awful. I didn't want to go through all that yet again and drag up all the disappointment and upset. And I didn't want to have yet another session of being negative to people who are trying their best.
I'm sitting here in tears and I want to come home.
Pants.

Just finished one of my 'holiday' essays. We had to write 750 words about Christmas traditions (with footnotes and a bibiography) and even that measly amount has taken me *all day*! Bah! And it doesn't count for anything :( I have another essay to do, of 1500 words, about Elzabethan music and I'm dreading it because it counts for 40% of the module.
Oh well, at least I've already done and submitted my Music Skills homework and I *think* that covers everything except the essay. Oh, and practising anything of course!

I haven't posted here for quite a while.

We lost two more students from the first year in the last week of term.  They are both very talented musicians with blossoming careers and I can understand the course was not offering them very much.  Speaking with both of them, the main reason for their decision was that they both felt they weren't learning anything, an opinion with which I can sympathise.

Term finished on December 14th, but I bunked off Study Skills on the last day and came home on Thursday 13th, the day that the Ensemble time had been set aside for 'a chat' with our Ensemble tutor about the continuing unhappiness on the course.  In an effort to lighten things up, Sue and I took along a selection of party nibbles and drinks.  We spent about two hours as a group discussing with Stewart what we thought was good and bad about Ensemble and also Traditions of These Islands.  It was a useful session, although I realise that my experience of Ensemble is very different to that of all of the other students, as I am the only one who doesn't play an instrument to a high standard.  But it was interesting to hear the opinions of the others in the year group.  There were some very valid concerns expressed and I was hopeful that Stewart would take these on board and discuss them with Vic and the other tutors.

However on December 20th Vic Gammon sent a 'Christmas Message' to us all stating that "some of the students in Stage One were not sure whether they wanted to be on the course or not ... a general uncertainty had an effect on many students in Stage One but I hope now is in the past."  I can't express how angry this made me.  After we had all spent two hours wth Stewart going over our concerns with two of the six modules, Vic says that any uncertainty should now be in the past.  Is he listening?  No.  Does he want to listen?  No.  Is there any chance that this pathetic excuse for a degree-level course is going to improve at all?  No.  

It makes me so sad and frustrated that the *only* degree-level component of this course, the only module in which I feel I am learning something and have a clear idea of the syllabus, learning outcomes and assessment strategy is Understanding Music History, which is run by the central Music Department and has precious little to do with folk music.  The rest of it is completely un-organised and off-the-cuff, with no syllabus and no learning objectives.  If we ask about assessment, we get told not to worry about it.  I have no idea what I'm supposed to be learning.  In January we have two weeks of empty timetable for 'assessment'.  In my case this consists of a two-hour exam for Understanding Music History (one of six modules remember) and how are we being assessed for the other five modules, the folk components?  I have a *ten minute* slot for a voice appraisal, during which I have to sing for five minutes and talk about it for five minutes.  In other words, I have to do basically what I had to do for my audition.  I have no idea what is being judged and how I am to show that I have made any progress since my audition in October 2006.  I find this somewhere between pointless and insulting.

I was hopeful that Vic might listen to the concerns of his students and be willing to make some adjustments (even minor ones would help) to meet the needs of what are after all his paying customers, and was particularly optimistic after his offer that I could do some third year modules next year.  But right now I have no optimism.  All I can see is that I am paying enormous sums of money for... nothing.   Yes I have one-to-one singing lessons with fabulous teachers, but I'm sure I could pay for private lessons with Frankie for less than I'm paying overall now.  And in the first semester I have had only seven of the ten of these lessons promised.

I have been looking for jobs today.  I really don't want to go back to Newcastle.  But to be sensible I should try not to throw all my toys out of the pram just yet, in case I need some of them later.  I'll go to the module fair at the end of January and try to get a definite plan from Vic as to exactly which second year modules I can drop and which third year modules I can pick up, then make a decision.  But at the moment, I'm not expecting to be on the course very much longer.  What a shame.

I have a set of smallpipes.
But I can't play them. Bugger.
I had my first proper lesson with my new pipes tutor yesterday, who is a sweetheart. He has lent me a set that I think is made by Sean Jones, and they play at a much higher pressure than I'm used to. The result is not so much Parp! as Squeeeek!
I emailed the chap who ran the bagpipe weekend I went to and asked him why this might be, and he said the pipes they used at the weekend were deliberately set at low pressure to be easier for beginners. Aaaargghh!
Anyway when I get my loan set from Richard (who is making my beautiful pipes) I will ask him to adjust the reed to play at lower pressure. I could adjust the reed in this set, but as I don't know what I'm doing I don't want to risk damaging it. So for now I will have to get on with the weight training and pump those bellows!

I had pretty much decided to leave the course at the end of this year (May) because although there are some parts that are useful (the vocal lessons) there are not enough of those parts to make another year worth the money, and the second year is identical to the first year.

However it seems that Vic is making an effort to try to make next year more attractive to those of us who can only stay for a maximum of two years. He has spoken to the Powers That Be and hatched a scheme whereby I can choose some of the third year modules to study next year, dropping some of the second year modules (possibly including ensemble, yay!). It's not yet clear how many I can take, or even which modules will run next year, but I appreciate the fact that he is making an effort to make things better for me.

Of course I don't yet know whether I can afford to do the second year - it depends whether I get any work over the summer - but if I can, it would certainly be a lot more attractive if I could do some more interesting modules.

It seems to be 2am.
I have been on a roll of organising my various bits of paper with songs on them and have accidentally learned two songs. I should have gone to bed ages ago but when I'm enjoying singing I need to take advantage of it!
I may not make it to my lecture tomorrow morning on the Enlightenment and the influence of philosophy on music. Or something.

PARP!
I'm getting a set of Scottish smallpipes on Thursday.
And a set of Northumbrian pipes next Monday.
And my Appalachian dulcimer is being restrung ready for use.
And I've just been lent an autoharp.

That's me busy for a while then :)

1) We have finally been put into permanent ensemble bands and I'm in with three guys I get on really well with. I'm not sure our musical abilities are up to much but we should have some fun, which will make a change from the torture thus far. After the last song we did, where I 'have one with each of them and then all together at the end', we have christened ourselves The South West Village Bike Restoration Project.

2) I went to see The Imagined Village on Monday night and it was incredible. Go see!

3) Vic has backtracked on what he said about not taking singers without an instrument onto the course. I saw him on Tuesday and he told me he'd been thinking about it and perhaps they should think of ways to encourage singers to contribute vocally during the Big Band. Yay!

4) I had a tutorial with Frankie Armstrong yesterday. Not only was it a huge honour to meet such a hero of mine, she is absolutely lovely and we had a really enjoyable and useful lesson. She has helped me get the last verse of Bruton Town down, which I have struggled with for years. Hurrah!

5) Our Music Skills tutor is ill (not good) so I had the day off today (good!) and went over to Sue's house to play recorder duets.

I still haven't done my essay but, hey, who cares?
;)

I'm supposed to be writing a short essay contrasting and comparing two articles. I have just read them both for the third time and am at a complete loss what to say about them.
They are both about Elizabethan England.
One is about women, the other one, um, isn't.
I need a few hundred more words than that :(

I can now play the A parts of both Hector The Hero and 93 Not Out on the whistle without looking at the dots.
This may sound insignificant but I have *never* played anything without the dots.
I am well chuffed.

My mate Sue and I got permission to bunk off the course yesterday afternoon, missing the scheduled delights of a violin concert, a lecture about musical health (don't drink, don't smoke, and use contraception, apparently) and a student concert, to attend the "Score!" event at the Sage.

It was fab.

The event was targeted at composers who want to start writing for more unusual instruments or in unfamiliar rhythms.

First off we attended an introduction to the folk fiddle with Marie Fielding. She's very approachable and did a great job of describing the different families of fiddle tunes (jigs, reels, strathspeys etc.). Of course we folkies rarely learn tunes from the page, but when we do we don't play what's written, we swing the rhythm and decorate it all over the place. It was most amusing to listen to the composers struggling to understand how they could score something for a folk fiddler who is likely to play the same piece differently every time. Sue later had a 1-2-1 session with Marie and found it really useful.

After that we went to an introduction to Latin music with pianist Alex Wilson, who played examples of different styles of Latin music from Cuba and neighbouring islands. We learned how the music is structured around a 'clave' that defines the rhythm, and attempted to clap along with some of them. Not easy!

After lunch there was an improvised performance by Kuljit Bhamra (tabla), Kathryn Tickell (Northumbrian pipes), Jonathan Mayer (sitar), Marie Fielding (fiddle) and Eddie McGuire (flute). As you can imagine, it was a bit bonkers!

Next I went to a session with Kathryn about the Northumbrian pipes, which was most excellent. She talked about the problems of keeping the drones in tune, the limited selection of notes available on the instrument and the fact that it varies according to how many keys the player chooses to have added to their chanter, and how difficult it is to change smoothly between any notes that require the use of the thumb. After that I had a 1-2-1 with Kathryn, which was supposed to be ten minutes but ended up being more like about twenty-five. She gave me some very useful tips for beginners, exercises I should do and things to watch out for. I was thrilled to have the opportunity to learn from her :)

After that I caught the second half of a session on Bhangra with Kuljit, who is truly inspirational. He had people in groups clapping out talas (rhythmic patterns) with hilarious results. At the end we were given a rather cool Bhangra CD.

Finally there was another improvised performance by Kuljit and Alex on 'Latin Bhangra' - Salsa piano with Indian tabla. It worked surprisingly well.

Overall it was an inspirational and entertaining day. What a shame I had to bunk off my course to be inspired!

During my tutorial with Vic this week, I talked to him about how Ensemble is very difficult for singers as long as we are in a Big Band, because there isn't any way a singer can usefully contribute. My point was that perhaps it might be a better idea to spend less time as a Big Band if there are singers on the course.

His response was that in future, "It might be better if we didn't take people like you [singers who don't play a folk instrument to a good standard and play by ear] onto the course."

This is a sad state of affairs, and the more I think about it the more it horrifies me. The root of our tradition is song; the songs are its heart and soul. To design a course in Folk and Traditional Music so unapproachable to folk singers that it might be necessary to exclude them entirely is surely missing the point, and not only depriving the singers of a useful experience but also the instrumentalists, many of whom do not sing, of gaining a broader understanding of the tradition.

There are of course fantastic traditional tunes, but most of them were written for dancing to, not to played from a stage with an audience politely listening. There is no dancing on this course and no playing for dancing. The course is not designed to encourage the propagation of the tradition through song and dance, it is designed to breed youngsters who can stand on a stage and make money from concerts.

I think that's rather sad.

In an effort to Have More Fun, I went to the Cumberland Arms for the first time for a singaround last night. It was... odd. There were six of us there - my landlord Piers who sings very well, a shy young man who sang Steeleye Span songs very quietly off the page, a woman who claimed never to have sung in public before, a woman who sang American folk songs most excellently, a man who played the recorder and sang Greensleeves, and me. A good place to try out new songs I think. And the pub is excellent - a real spit 'n' sawdust kind of place with a fire in the grate and six different ciders on tap. I had a whole half-a-pint of Grolsch Weissbier all to myself ;)

Tomorrow I have arranged to bunk off the compulsory: Bach Sonata in C for solo violin followed by a lecture on musicians' health followed by a student concert. Instead I am going to something odd called "Score!" which is all about composition and improvisation and features Kathryn Tickell amongst others. Sounds much more like Fun. After that I am buying an Appalachian dulcimer off a strange woman for no apparent reason.

I have also bought tickets to see both Judy Collins and a show called "The Imagined Village" featuring Martin Carthy, Chris Wood and Sheila Chandra amongst others. Should be good.